Valerie's Diary - Dec 2011

I can’t believe that it has been so long since I last blogged. I was just reading back over my last piece which brought back the hard time that I’d been having at work. That is mostly sorted now and the last few weeks at work have been better and I’m receiving more support.

It is a difficult time for those of us with depression as the thought of making an effort at all can be daunting. I mostly work at Christmas as I feel that it is nicer for those who have young children to be there for the  kids opening presents, and have some precious family time. This year, I’ve been lucky enough to have Christmas week off work and I am staying with my parents – actually I think I’m just here really to act as referee between them as the bickering goes on and on! Dad is very difficult to live with due to his dementia, but mum is actually good with him unless he gets really grumpy and shouts at everyone!

So we will be playing happy families like hundreds of others who get caught up in the ‘festive spirit’ and feel the need to be together as that is what is ‘meant to happen’. The alternative of course is to either choose to be alone, which is fair enough, or have to be alone as there is no-one to share it with. I have been alone twice which was really my choice and I thought I’d be fine, but actually found it quite difficult. I thought that opening my parcels alone was really sad. Of course what I should have done was to accept offers of a meal etc, but at that stage just could not see that I would add anything to their Christmas and thought they were only asking out of pity.

Like some say, it is only for one day. All that fuss and expense for one day – although admittedly it does tend to stretch to 10 days! I’m just really grateful for the folks who volunteer to work for helplines that provide support and advice. I can get nervous over weekends and public holidays when the usual support is not around. I really hope that I don’t have to use them, but it is comforting just to know that I can. (Breathing Space – 0800 83 85 87- weekdays Mon-Thurs 6pm-2am & Fri 6pm – Mon 6am & Samaritans – 08457 90 90 90, and also NHS24 on 08454 24 24 24)

So I hope that you manage to spend some happy times over the next week or two. I hope to too, but really I just am looking forward for it all to be over. Baa humbug!

Valerie (and despite all I’ve said, Merry Christmas and happy New Year)